i was MADE for this

Thursday night marked the beginning of my favorite time of the year.  FOOTBALL SEASON.

Tomorrow…I plan on overindulging.  I am gonna park my butt in front of the TV, beginning at about 12 and watch as many hours of football as I can.  I’ll probably season my fanaticism with the US Open Final…it’s gonna be good.  And then Monday night.  MNF.  Yup.  MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. 

As I’m writing this, I am listening to worship from a church in Riverside, CA called Sandals Church.  I recently started reading their former worship pastor’s blog.  Off the hook worship. 

I mentioned on my other blog that NewSpring Church in SC baptized 559 people today.  What?!?!  God is flipping awesome.

It is reading these things that keeps me walking forward.  I know that God has something big up His sleeve.  I just want to be a part of what He is doing.  Unapologetically.  Unabashedly.  With no regrets.  And that, my friends, is what I intend to do.

Any questions? 

I am really interested to see what God is going to do over the next few months. 

You see, I have these seasonal friends in my life.  When I am surrounded by them, I instinctively know that there is some kind of change that is either occuring or about to occur.  They are some wise women who have been in my life for over a decade…well over a decade.  When we all start communicating, I am so comforted, until I realize who is in my life again

I’ve had the sense that I was entering a transitional season in my life again…but now I see it clearly.  I am one of those people who really doesn’t mind transition.  I actually like change.  Now that I realize that I have my Ya-Ya’s, I’m feeling less antsy and more excited.  I wish that I could divulge more details.  I can’t.  Because I don’t know them yet. 

Something that I do know, that I’ve written quite a bit lately, is that I can sense God’s move in the heavenlies.  Let’s be honest.  Satan has been on overdrive lately.  If you are unaware of this, watch the news.  Read the MSN homepage.  The Good News is this:  Satan and his cronies lose.  Read the last few chapters of your Bible.  Read any of the gospels.

A clarion call is being heard throughout the land.  The battle is on.  Eternity is at stake.  Billions of people have yet to hear that Jesus loves them.  Whose side are you on?  Are you fighting, like Jesus did, for the souls of the dying?  Are you showing people the love of Jesus?  Are you being Jesus to a dying world?  Or are you getting in your own way, too fearful to smile and say hello to someone?  There are people whose are just waiting for someone to recognize that they are alive.  Are you willing to be the difference? 

I am passionate about snatching people out of the clutches of hell.  I know that it is Jesus who saves people.  Please don’t insult me by stating the obvious.  However, I want to see everyone I know in heaven.  I want to see the man who works at my local Wawa on the other side of eternity.  I want to see that crazy bus driver who gave me motion sickness on the other side of eternity.  I want to see Osama bin Laden on the other side of eternity.  I want to see everyone in my church on the other side of eternity.  (Did I say that out loud?)  It literally keeps me awake at night that there are so many people who are going to hell. 

Something hit me today. A light bulb went on. 

Lately I have been eating, drinking and sleeping two things:  church and work.  I’ve probably commented on it before, but I think a lot about these two things.  A whole lot.  As a matter of fact, in church, I was talking to someone about dental implants, about surgery and got the number to the dentist for whom she works so that I can pass his information off to one of our sales reps. 

And then I went to lunch with a friend and we talked almost nonstop about work, about church, about what God is doing in our lives.  We are both passionate about seeing where God is going to take this church to which He has called us.

But…in all of my passion, in all of my Peterness, I think that my dedication to this place in which I serve may be lost in translation.  I want to make this church work.  Not another church.  I want God to use me in this place.  I’m all in.  I want to make my pastor’s life a joy–I want to do whatever I can to free him up to be the man, the pastor that God has called him to be.  But I think that my zeal may have muddied my intentions.

I don’t know where to begin in trying to describe this weekend.

Whirlwind.
Busy.
Exhausting.
Exhilarating.

I think my favorite part of my 9-5 is our Saturday training sessions with the dentists.  I love being in a classroom environment.  I love learning.  I love being around people who are ambitious and who want to make themselves and ultimately the lives of others (their patients in this case) better.  I love that God has allowed me to be a part of this, and that He uses me to allow our training to run. Sure–on Friday afternoon as I was carrying stacks of papers through August-like humidity, I wasn’t the happiest person in the world.  But the end result…I love it.

Saturday night was great–dreaming, organizing.  I love to cast vision…I love to dream big dreams with friends.  What excites me is that the dreams that we discussed may just come true one day. 

Sunday.  Where to begin?  Tropical Storm Barry held off his hand until 3PMish…which was a blessing.  I have to brag on my church.  I spent a couple of hours trying to put people into places where they could serve.  Honestly, walking in, we had a lot of people and a lot of places to serve.  But God opened the door for nearly everyone…all 45 of us…to be free.  I had a group of ladies handing out food to the elderly.  I had a group of gentlemen “monitoring” a fishing contest.  I had a couple of people hanging out with kids on those big, bouncy things.  But then…I had an army of people being the church.  Popcorn was popped and walked around the picnic.  We didn’t wait for people to come to us.  We went to the people.  We gave out loads of popcorn.  Our popcorn poppers were covered in that yellow film…if you’ve ever worked a popcorn machine, you know what I’m talking about.  Nearly everyone had a smile on their face.  We ate.  We kibbitzed.  We had a blast.

I have to admit to you.  At about 11AM, I was freaking out, thinking about everything that had to be done.  At 11:45 I was wondering who killed chivarly as I walked past groups of men loitering as Colleen and I carried the popcorn maker to it’s home for a few hours.  But by 12:30PM, I was amazed by the people that God has placed in this church in this community.  And I was humbled that He allowed me to be a part of this thing.

I learned much about myself this weekend.  I pushed myself physically to the limits.  I think I pushed myself spiritually to the limits.  But I know more of who I am today than I did yesterday.  I have my glitches, but all in all, I am beginning to see the woman that God has told me I am for the past 24 years.  I am beginning to believe, with His help, that all things are truly possible.

I could write so much more.  But I won’t.  I think that this week I will combine the fruit of the Spirit stuff God started with lessons from this weekend.

Stay tuned.

And…go make someone’s day.  Be the man or woman that God created you to be.  Nothing more and nothing less.

I have a problem.  A serious problem.  This weekend, The Sanctuary, my church is doing an outreach to the community.  We’re volunteering to help the township in which we meet with their annual summer picnic.  I have to fill about 12 slots per hour for 5 hour.

Wanna know my problem?  We have 42 45 volunteers.  For a church that runs between 60 and 70 people per week on average.  So many people volunteered to be the church that day that I don’t know what to do with all of them.  God is awesome.

Funny thing.  This has been probably, decidedly one of the most difficult weeks that I have had in a long, long, long time.  I’m exhausted.  Work has been difficult.  Home has been difficult.  I feel like I’ve been walking uphill in an oxygen deprived environment. 

“Problems” like this one are the reason that I get up in the morning.  I love seeing what God is doing.  I love that God will allow me to be a part of this thing that He’s doing in NJ even though most of the time I feel more like Jonah than a disciple.  I can’t wait to see what God is going to do…tonight, tomorrow and this weekend.

But…like Chill Pastor challenged today, I’m living in this moment, today, now, not tomorrow or the next day or yesterday.

It looks like I’m gonna be taking classes this fall.  For real.  For seminary.  Liberty University DLP MDiv.  Lotsa letters.  I honestly have no idea how this is going to work.  It looks like, starting in September (you know, when classes get into full swing…) I’ll be working just about every Saturday.  So I guess I’ll be doing my reading and writing…sometime.

I am usually the person who hands things in (not necessarily school work, but work-work and ministry-work) ahead of schedule.  I had two things that I had to do for church in the past week, and I was either a week past my deadline or right down to the wire.  I don’t like that.  I am going to have to learn to manage my time better, or things could get complicated.

Today I asked (told) my boss that I would really like the opportunity to work full time on our training center(s) when that position becomes available.  I love working with our faculty and with the trainee doctors.  Of course I have to learn more about our products, but that should be no problem.  It could be a very busy position (which would be amazing) that could involve quite a bit of travel (hopefully.)

Stuff is happening on just about every front of my life. 

One more thing, then I have to unwind.  I have to make sure that I don’t go into my default “fix” mode.  I am a problem solver.  If I see something that is broken, I want to fix it.  This pertains to actual objects, situations, people.  I cannot fix people.  Only God can do that.  I don’t want to force a caterpillar out of its coccoon prematurely.  I want to allow God to do the work that He has deigned to do. 

Thank you to all who commented/engaged in the discussion about women in ministry.  This is a subject about which I am passionate.  Obviously.

I understand that there are several camps:  pro-female pastors; anti-femal pastors; pro-female pastor as long a the women dare not assume a role of authority over a male; pro-female pastor when the woman is lucky enough…ummm, I mean married to a man who is a pastor.

If I’ve stepped on your toes, I can’t honestly say that I am sorry.  I’m calling it like I see it.

Scripturally, I understand that some passages seem to lean toward have a male in the lead role in a church–in the case of the scripture I will quote, of having males in the role of elder.  Titus 1:5 says, “An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.”

But my Bible (and yours, too) also says in Galatians 3:28 that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Which scripture is correct?  Or shall I say, which scripture has been translated more closely to the original text?  I’m not a biblical scholar (yet) but it seems that these two scriptures may be in opposition to one another.  If God does not distinguish between male and female, is it possible that elders can be women who have only been married to one man, whose children love & serve God, are not wild and disobedient?  Or does God distinguish between Jew & Greek, slaves and free, male and female?  It has to be one or the other because God is not a man that He should lie.  The Bible, being the inerrant word of God, cannot contradict itself.  So which is it?

Revelation 12:11 says, “They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”  Given that scripture, I am going to tell you why, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that God calls women into ministry–even into a pastoral role that *gasp* may place her into a position of authority over men.

I gave my life to Jesus Christ when I was seven years old.  I cannot give you date and hour, but I remember making a firm decision for the Lord.  One night I was in my bedroom, and God spoke to me.  I saw myself preaching to large groups of people.  I knew distinctly that God was calling me to something bigger than I.  I knew that He was calling me to preach the gospel all over the globe.

Now, I was seven years old.  This was before I could read and fully comprehend the debate that was raging (and still does to this day) about female pastors.  It is something onto which I have held–heck, I’ve bet my life on it, and I will continue to do so until I meet Jesus Christ, face to face, on the day that He takes me to be home with Him.

I have to give props to the Holy Spirit as well.  No matter how far I’ve walked, nay run away from the Lord, the Holy Spirit has always been a quiet voice, urging me to walk forward with the Lord, toward the Lord, toward that He had called me to do.  I value the Holy Spirit–He is my Comforter, Wisdom.  I’ve seen Him do miraculous things in me, through me, with me.  I’ve seen Him move powerfully, gently, wonderfully in the lives of those I hold dear, those I’ve never met, me. 

Any questions, comments?  I welcome them. 

Tonight in my small group, we got to talking about women in ministry.  I have a question to post to all of those opposed to women in ministry–and to those who limit the role of a woman in ministry to women’s ministry and children’s ministry.  If you believe that women can be leaders in the church, I would love to hear from you too.

If you are a Christian, you should believe in Creationism–that God created the heavens and the earth, the animals, men and women, right?  God is a creative God.  He thought of armadillos, duck-billed platypuses, you, me, the Grand Canyon, the Pacific Ocean, dung beetles. 

Who were the people that realized that Jesus had risen, that the tomb was empty?  Who stuck it out with Jesus to the end?  While most of the disciples (ummm…the men) were hiding out, was it not the women who were walking alongside Jesus?

So why then is it that you claim that women cannot be leaders in the church?  Can God not use women?  Please do not come at me with the scripture aobut women being silent in church.  That will just prove to me that you are using scripture out of context. 

**Edit**I am interested in scriptural references.  I apologize if that was unclear.   What I do not want is scripture presented out of context. 

Let’s be honest.  I should be sleeping.  My body feels like it is encased in jello…doesn’t want to move yet mobile…tough to explain.  However, my brain is charging full speed ahead, even after two hours of mind-numbing television.

I was listening to a podcast this week that compared a person full of vision to a woman pregnant in her third trimester.  I am uncomfortable.  I can not find a position in which I am able to rest.  Because I am way pregnant with a vision that God has placed within me.  I feel like I’m wearing a corset.  And all I want is to tear off the corset, give birth, and hold my baby in my arms.  I want to watch the baby grow.  I want this vision to walk, to eat, to grow, to be bigger than I am, to be bigger than I ever can be.

So, right now I’m waddling around.  I’m trying to prepare to give birth, but I kind of feel like Mary.  I know that God has prepared a place for the birth of the vision.  He knows the time.  He knows the circumstances.  But right now I can’t see the forest for the trees.  And being a woman…a woman who likes to be in control…I like to know the itinerary.  I like to know the plan.  I like to be the one holding the map.  Heck, I like to be the one driving the car. 

So that is where I am.  A woman, pregnant with a vision.  A woman who is jumping up and down, going for walks, long drives on bumpy roads.  A woman who wants her Husband in the room…to comfort her, to hold her hand, to feed her ice chips and to take the brunt of her frustration.

On one hand, I am excited.  The newness of the thing causes the house to be cleaned.  On the other hand, I know that things have to change.  There will be 2AM feedings, dirty diapers, less sleep.

So, yeah.  Is that enough analogy, simile, hyperbole, all of those words I was supposed to learn as an English major but I never did?

My ipod is beginning to pay dividends in my life.  Spiritually that is.  Whoever thought of podcasting deserves a special place in heaven.  Seriously.  Whatever did we do before podcasting?  Oh wait.  I just entered this world in September.  Funny how deeply technology effects one’s life.

Today as I was walking, I was listening to a podcast from Hillsong Church in Australia.  Brian Houston was talking about being an uncomplicated leader.  I never realized how complicated I am.  For me, effective teaching leaves me asking more questions than it answers, looking deeply within my soul.

One of the characteristics of an uncomplicated person is that they are not divided; the uncomplicated person is not looking to be somewhere else.  One issue that I constantly wrestle is my desire to always be somewhere else.  I have not felt settled for quite some time. 

Does that make me complicated?  Does that make me non-committed?  Does that make me a bad Christian, a bad follower of Christ?  Or does that make me a pioneer, a church-planter at heart?  Do I have to qualify the desire that God has placed deep within me to move around, to see the world, to experience many different cultures?  Why is it that I constantly question this part of me?

So, thank you Brian Houston.  Tonight my prayer is that God would search my heart, and that He will work on those parts that need to be repaired.  So if you see me and you see those orange construction signs, you will understand.  I want nothing more than to follow Christ in whatever way He wants. 

But…if the desire to travel, to be elsewhere is heightened, then I will know that this is God and not Deneen.

One more thing.  If you have an ipod or an mp3 player or a computer, I strongly suggest that you find your way over to itunes and find Brian Houston’s podcasts and find the message entitled “Uncomplicated Leaders” (or something to that effect.)  It’s good stuff.