i was MADE for this

Thanks for the prayers and encouraging words about my review.  It went really well…much better than I ever expected to be honest.  I suppose I am my harshest critic.  Shocking, I’m sure, to those who know me.

Yesterday was an interesting day.  I continue to find myself in these odd circumstances that make me shake my head.  My boss had our office and one of our doctors and his brother to his house for happy hour.  We had a good time.  When I left, loud music was playing, soju was being consumed and people were dancing.  Afterward I had a taste of Philly nite life.  I had a great time, but I felt kind of old.  I learned how to play video golf.  My friend beat me by one stroke.  I’m still trying to figure out if he was being nice…I still assert that he was.  One guy carded me, and I felt as if he were patronizing me.  He said, “You’re a young girl,” and I smiled, thinking I was being flattered, worried I was being mocked.  Insecurity.  Fun.

Have I mentioned that I am going to a Valentine’s Day party?  It will benefit The Smile Train, a charity that provides surgery to kids with cleft palettes.  If you are in the Philadelphia area, it is a Bar Noir from 9 PM- 2AM.  There is an optional donation to The Smile Train.  My friend is guaranteeing that if you don’t have a soul mate, you will by the end of the night.  That’s why I’m going.  LOL  It should be a good time.  Drink specials as well…or just get to hang out with me and some of my wacky dental friends. 

I don’t know whether to write about my personal life, my work life or politics.  So much going on, so little writing has happened…here’s the cliffs notes version.  I’ve not written because I’ve had a bad attitude.  And honestly, I don’t want to write angry messages. 

Personal life
Bad attitude.  If I had to encapsulate my life, that would be the phrase that I would use. 

Yesterday, on my commute, God spoke to me.  (He’s much more interesting than Preston and Steve, though they are highly amusing.)  He reminded me of Joseph.  He did nothing to warrant being sold into slavery by his brothers, sent to prison not once but twice.  His friends forgot about him when they left prison, but still Joseph kept with his good attitude.  Eventually, he was released from prison and raised to the second highest position in Egypt.  And he saved his family in the process by giving them food. 

Lately, I’ve felt as if I am in prison.  But yesterday, God spoke to the situation.  My function in this whole situation in which I find myself is to have integrity and a good attitude.  Integrity I’ve had, for the most part.  God attitude, not so much.  So, for the past two days, I’ve walked in a good attitude.  I’m trying with everything within me to have a good attitude.  When I perceive that I’m being wronged, I think about Joseph and all of a sudden, it seems like I have a pretty good life.

This weekend I’m going to church, too.  I’m having lunch afterward with a friend.  Whatever it takes to get my butt in church.  Though…I did “attend” lifechurch.tv last week.  Craig Groeschel’s sermon rocked my world.  I fully plan on attending Saturday night’s online service.  I love the innovation of that church.  However, I do need to be around people.  So, I’m going to do both for a while.

Work life
Work is a roller coaster.  One day, it seems that I’m on top of the world and I’m poised to do great things with the company.  Other days, it seems like noone really knows what is going on, and noone has any control of what is going on.  The company is growing.  There are a great number of opportunities to be had.  But…for the great numbers of opportunities and the quick growth, there is a massive need for patience.  And that is NOT one of my virtues.  It is not the fruit of the spirit that comes easily to me.  I am impatient.  If you tell me that I can have something, I want it NOW, not in two months, four months, six months.  So, I suppose that God is working patience into me through my job. 

Apparently, what was promised to me will come to fruition.  In a few months, after I train the two people who will replace me.  At first, I was completely flattered that it will take two people to replace my position.  Now…it’s less flattering.  Because I have to train the people.  But I like to train people, so…yeah.  I’m tough to please right now.

Politics
Apparently, the candidates that I support become politically irrelevant.  I wish that I had supported John McCain.  But no.  So, now I’m keeping my mouth shut.  It’s going to be a very interesting political season.  I’m hoping that my guy pulls ahead…or at least doesn’t leave the race limping.  It’s not looking so good.  (Speaking of politics, so begin the ads.  Super Tueday is in a few short days here in NJ.  I LOATHE political ads, for the record.  All lies as far as I’m concerned.)

Well, gotta watch American Idol.  So ends deep thoughts by Deneen. 

It’s been a while since I updated the world wideweb on my life.  Honestly…I’ve not been able to be forthright.  I had to wait until an announcement was made…which was made yesterday.  Yesterday my new position was announced.  After the first of the year (and after my boss finds my replacement) I am going to be the AIC Coordinator for the US.  What that means is that I am going to in charge of the standardization of dental implant training for my company.  Today I got a letter that I have been waiting for since August.  We got approved to offer CE credits through the AGD.  This was no small feat.  Now I can sleep tonight, knowing that my dentists will get the credits that we’ve been promising.  Thank God.

What does the new job mean for me?  I will be traveling throughout the US to our nine offices, helping the current branches with their current training programs.  I will help the new branches develop their training programs.  Essentially it is going to mean LOTS of work and LOTS of travel.  Did I mention that it is going to be LOTS of work? 

But, I have a secret to tell you.  I love, LOVE this part of my job.  I love the dental industry.  I love working with dentists, watching them learn new techniques.  I love watching them use the new techniques to improve the health of their patients.  I love working with the managers, making their lives easier.  All in all, I am really excited about what the new year will bring.

Having said all of that, I have to give credit where credit is due.  Three weeks ago, I went to church for the first time in a while.  Two weeks ago, I didn’t go.  I thought that there was a catch…I didn’t want to jump in too quickly.  I wanted to see if, after skipping a week, I’d be judged or accepted.  I wanted to know that God wanted me there, that I wasn’t walking backward, but stepping into the flow of what God has for my life.  This Sunday was a crappy day….freezing cold, rainy, the perfect day to stay in bed all day. 

But…at 8 AM, I found myself awake.  I knew that I was supposed to head out to church.  I got ready, but there was a sadness that permeated my being.  I felt like Fontaine in Les Miserables.  God placed a dream in my heart, but it seemed for a time that had already passed.  The dream felt dead.  But, I went to church, and it was obvious my pastor had read my journal.  (And y’all know I’ve not posted anything for a while, so don’t send me the duh, that wasn’t too hard since you blog emails…lol)  Long story short…I made a commitment to God on Sunday…something just for the two of us.  Then yesterday, my boss and his boss announced my promotion.  Then today we received the certification that we really need for our business to thrive here in the US. 

The thing is, God promotes you when you are where He wants you to be.  I’ve had quite the journey during the past two years.  Those time have been some of the best times in my life, and frankly, some of the lowest times in my life.  But, through the grace of God, I’ve survived.  And today, I find myself back where I started the journey, at the church formerly known as River of Life.  Only, I’m not the same person that I was when I left a little over two years ago.  And the River is a different place than it was when I left.  We’ve both grown…but the heart for Christ has not changed.  Jesus Christ is the driving passion that glues it all together.

Looking forward into 2008, I see bright possibilites.  I have a job that I love.  I’m back home in the church that has formed much of who I am.  Who knows.  Maybe Prince Charming is out there, on his white horse in his shining armour waiting to sweep me off my feet.  Or maybe I’ve got another year of training before I meet him.  All I know is that I am looking forward to 2008.  The best is yet to come

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in Philadelphia.  The flurries are falling along with the temperature.  The streets are aglow with holiday lights.  People seem to be of good cheer.

I felt bad today.  We had a gentleman from Korea in our office who speaks very little English.  So, I took him out to lunch with me, one of my doctors and our marketing person.  The poor guy looked a bit overwhelmed.  And jet-lagged.  By the end of the day he warmed up to me and we were trying to communicate.  He is building our new office space in Jenkintown.  It looks nice.  He asked me which desk I would like.  I told him a desk near a window   Hopefully he’ll pull a few strings for me since I got him coffee. 

Tonight I was given a copy of The Starbucks Experience.  The person who gave it to me wrote a little note inside.  I thought that was very sweet.  I usually do that when I give someone a book.  Really nice touch.

Tomorrow, Thurs and Fri I am going to be out of touch.  I have meetings Wed and Thurs and a dinner on Friday.  My father quipped that I am becoming a social butterfly.  I chuckled.  It’s been a long time since I was the least bit social.  It feels nice.

Here’s a Christmas carol to get you ready for Christmas.  It’s also my ringtone, so call me

I think that work is taking over my life.  It is eating away at the little bit of a personal life that I have.  That’s a funny thought…me having a personal life.  Today I was joking with the people I work with.  In Korea, many of the people who work for our company wind up getting married.  It actually happens a lot in churches as well…you spend so many hours together that people wind up attracted and hitched. 

The good thing is that because I am so busy, the days are flying by.  Today I learned how to use the drill.  I placed three implants into a block jaw.  I am a natural.  If church planting and working in the training center do not work out, I can always go to dental school.  As long as I only ever have to perform “surgery” on a wooden block mandible or maxilla. 

So, from here on out, I expect to be called Dr. D.  LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Well, I have some work to do so that I can have some retail therapy in a little while.

Ciao.

Tonight I wanted some food when I got home from work.  There’s an Italian place right near my house that has really good salads.  So….I got my car keys and headed toward my car.  To drive less than 1/4 of a mile.  What the heck?

In the city, I walk all over, without thinking.  I will walk 8 blocks for a capuccino; I will walk 6-7 blocks, past several places, for a better salad or Chinese food.  But when I am home, I only think about getting in my car and driving to any destination. 

So, I found myself in the midst of my bad behavior and put the car keys away.  I walked to get my salad.  I have to change the way that I think about so many things.  I have to think like a non-sedentary person.  I have to think like an active person.

Here’s to walking across the street for a salad and patting myself on the back.  Haha.

I love birthdays.  I am not ashamed to admit it.  I want to be that 87 year old woman one day who throws herself a birthday party–and who can have fun whether or not anyone actually attends the party.  This morning I brought scones in for my co-workers to celebrate my birthday, and I made the coffee.  This morning I took myself out and bought myself some face stuff that I wanted.  (Notice I didn’t try to play it off as if I needed it.)  Then I bought myself some great sushi for lunch.  And I bought and cooked the food for my birthday dinner and dessert. 

I truly believe that every moment I am alive is a gift from God.  And you know what?  I’m gonna celebrate every year.  For most of my life, I haven’t valued myself.  As a matter of fact, I’ve loathed myself.  But that is changing as I grab a hold of who God is, and who God has created me to be.  If, after He created everything, God looked at it and said, “It is good,” does it not stand to reason that when God created me He took a look and said, “She is good!”?

So, on this, my 32nd birthday, I am celebrating one of God’s creations.  Me.  And I will continue to do so, every year on this date, as long as I have breath in my lungs

I can’t stand religion.  And I love things that poke fun at religion.  Every friday, when I open my gmail inbin, I have Reverend Fun waiting for me with the weeks cartoons.  You can check it out here.  I am guaranteed to laugh at least with one of the cartoons

This morning I woke up well-rested.  It’s amazing how much of a difference an extra hour of sleep makes.  Or maybe it’s the prospect of some tee ball and coffee.  Or maybe it’s the the parents are going away for the night.  Party at the White House.  If you consider passing out early a party. 

Anyway.  Last night when I was writing, I was a bit overwhelmed.  There are so many things going on right now.  On just about every plane of my life.  Work is about to get really busy as we begin preparations for a huge symposium.  In California from Pennsylvania.  Date:  November 3.  Home life is always overwhelming.  Withdrawal from antidepressants; sick nephew; craziness I tell you.  Church.  Yeah.  I have the sense that the floodgates are about to open.  So, that’s gonna be crazy good soon too.

So, I will need an extra dose of grace, a huge helping of the Fruit of the Spirit and a whole lotta caffeine.

Did I mention that I plan on starting school in the fall????

Once again I find myself taking a few days to process something that is all over the news.  It’s probably better that I take time rather than address these things immediately.

One thing that strikes me is that I’ve not seen any reporting that speaks about the parents of the boy who committed the murders.  I’ve read how disturbed he was; I’ve read about the people who attempted to reach out to him.  I’ve read complaints about the VA Tech response to the shootings.  (Who could honestly be prepared for such a thing?  Let’s be honest.)

My heart and my prayers go out to all of the families who lost their loved ones.  My heart goes out to every student on a college campus.  My heart goes out to the parents who have kids on college campuses.

You know what this tragedy reminds me of most?  That we live in a fallen world that needs a Savior more than ever.  The only One who can bring peace back to our college campuses, to our country, to our world is the One who died for our sins and who rose three days later.

Lord, have mercy on them, for they know not what they do.

Yesterday I received a new understanding of the grace of God.  I was walking down the streets of Philadelphia, and all of a sudden, the realization of God’s grace washed over me like a sweet spring rain.  I was overwhelmed.

It’s been a really tough couple of weeks.  Work has been very difficult.  Home has been more than difficult.  Church has been frustrating.  I was sick for 5 days.  And through the adversity, my base nature came shining through like a pimple on prom night.  Some of what I saw was good.  Some…not so much.

The good stuff.  I find that much of my frustration is because I want to see God move.  I want to reach the unreached people of the world with the gospel.  I want to reach the unchurched people around me…I want them to know the love of God.

The bad stuff.  I found myself frustrated with people who are close to me who are hurting.  I found myself with a bad attitude, not representing Christ, but myself instead.  I found myself fighting with my boss rather than allowing God to work out the details.  In short…I found that I need to extend the grace that was so freely, at such a high cost, extended to me.

So, yesterday, when the grace of God overwhelmed me, I wanted to fall to my knees on Market Street and sing at the top of my lungs.  Because I wouldn’t do well with an inside the walls prison ministry or an inside the walls ministry to patients in a mental health facility, I let my spirit do the singing.  Quietly yet loudly, deep within me, hopefully resonating in the heavenlies.