i was MADE for this

A question was asked today on Anne Jackson’s blog…would you die for someone’s freedom?  My answer to this question is, I believe, the root of my unsettledness.  

I remember being seven years old, sitting on the olive green wool rug in my room when I first had a dream of being a missionary.  I’ve had conversation after conversation with numerous people about this dream.  I was told that I should go to nursing school so that I’d have a reason to be on the mission field.  I’ve been told that I should teach English abroad.  I’m not a huge fan of…the *stuff* that is involved in nursing, so that advice went in one ear and out the other.  I love to write…but teaching English really isn’t something that I’ve ever been passionate about.

Recently, my awareness of the gross injustice of human trafficking, the sex trade and child slavery has become acute.   Until the past three weeks or so, I didn’t know that there was so much information.  I didn’t know the enormity of the situation.  Frankly, I didn’t think that I could do anything.

Today, though, when I read Anne’s blog, God reminded me of one of the first scriptures that was seared into my heart.  Isaiah 61:1 says:

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 
       because the LORD has anointed me 
       to preach good news to the poor. 
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
       to proclaim freedom for the captives 
       and release from darkness for the prisoners

That scripture has held me together during the most difficult of times.  Until today, everytime I’ve read it, I feel like my hands are bound, like I’m living my life less than God intended me to live it.  All of a sudden, it made sense.

Another scripture that has held me afloat during the darkest, quietest times is Isaiah 49:5-7

 

5 And now the LORD says— 
       he who formed me in the womb to be his servant 
       to bring Jacob back to him 
       and gather Israel to himself, 
       for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD 
       and my God has been my strength-

 6 he says: 
       “It is too small a thing for you to be my servant 
       to restore the tribes of Jacob 
       and bring back those of Israel I have kept. 
       I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, 
       that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”

 7 This is what the LORD says— 
       the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel— 
       to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation, 
       to the servant of rulers: 
       “Kings will see you and rise up, 
       princes will see and bow down, 
       because of the LORD, who is faithful, 
       the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”

 

God has chosen me for something rather daunting.  I don’t know exactly where to begin…but I will type away on this laptop about human trafficking and child slavery to raise awareness until God shows me what is next. 

Lord God, let me be your hands, your feet, your servant to the women and children trapped in slavery.

I’m going to write something of substance today.  But while you’re waiting for my time to catch up with my brain, read this post by Tony Morgan.  It’s…yeah.  Just go over and read it.

Yesterday I posed the question, for what do I (we) stand?

Today, I have some answers. 

I stand for those things that the scriptures tell me I am supposed to stand.  I stand, first of all, for the name, the person of Jesus Christ.  He is the way, the truth and the life.  Point blank period.  I stand for those things that He stood for, such as the release of the captives, the healing of the sick and the confounding of the religious.

I stand, solidly believing that our community can be reached with the gospel.  Sure, the people of our township do not think that they need anything.  They think that their lives are just fine.  (Or do they?)  This is not an excuse for inaction.  There are churches not only surviving, but thriving and growing in some of the darkest, hardest, most self-sufficient areas of our country. 

Look at Washington, DC.  About 4 churches come to mind in the DC metro area that are growing, impacting people’s lives for Christ.  DC is the heart of our country–you know, where most of the powerful people in our country and our world have their offices.  Yet churches are impacting that area for Christ.

Look at NYC.  I heard recently of a church there whose vision is to reach every metropolitan area–ok, not every, only the largest metropolitan areas in the world.  I know a few New Yorkers.  For the most part, they think they are the center of the world.  Yet there are churches sprouting up in NYC.

Look at Los Angeles.  I’d say that Mosaic is making a bit of an impact on what I perceive to be the darkest area of our country.  Not to mention the 10 other churches I could name on the fly who are rocking the west coast.

Even Boston, only a few miles from where the Mayflower landed and religion permeated our soil, a few miles from where the Salem Witch trials occured.  Even Boston has a move of God going on.  One church that I know of opened its doors with over 400 people.  If you’ve ever visited or lived in Boston, you know that is a miraculous move of God.

Please do not read this and think, “Oh, that Deneen.  She’s all about numbers.  She doesn’t care about the depth of the change.”  Puhlease.  Been there, done that, got the t-shirt friends.  I write these things because they challenge me and my way of thinking.  If God can move in these places, he can move anywhere.

God has placed me in South Jersey for this season of my life.  Again.  My personal nightmare.  I have to believe that with the faith of a mustard seed, that God can move mountains.  If I don’t believe that, I have to believe that God has a wicked sense of humor.  I don’t want to be in the belly of a fish, hanging out with nastiness to get that faith. 

I know that God has placed me on earth to release the captives, to heal the sick, to speak life to the dead, to do greater things than Jesus did while He was on earth.  Because my Bible tells me so.  So, I have to believe that He wants to move in South Jersey. 

Are you with me?

Quick thoughts going through my head today.

• What would the world look like if Christians actually believed the words that they sing during worship?
• Why are we doing this whole Christianity thing? 
• What is it that we stand for? 
• What does my church stand for? 
• What do I stand for?
• What did the million plus soldiers what we are honoring today die for?

I love the days when the questions outnumber the answers.  I ask questions to make sure that I know where I am on the map of life. 

Yesterday I watched a show on Discovery where this Brit willingly puts himself in harms way to teach people how to get out of perilous situations.  He gets his bearings, determines in which directions he will most likely find people.  Then he starts to move.  Along the way, he finds food, he makes shelter.  But he moves.

Christianity is an active belief.  Jesus required action from people.  He and the disciples didn’t sit around and talk about what should be done.  Jesus modeled the behavior, the actions, and the disciples did it.  Go and make disciples.  Take up your mat and go.  What do you want from me?  Ask and you shall receive.  Seek and you shall find.  Nowhere does Jesus ask someone to consider what He has said.  So why do we sit around trying to figure things out.  Shouldn’t we get going, asking, seeking?

This morning, I woke up and I was fah-reaking out.  I realized, in an instant, that I have, once again, fallen into the trap of finding my identity not in Christ but in the things that I do.  Like work.  Like ministry.  Like being an aunt.  Like being a sister.  Like being a daughter.  I am talking about a serious identity crisis here. 

On my way into work, I plugged myself into my ipod, and listened to some Catalyst podcasts.  They re-ran an interview from a few years back with Bill Bright.  Oh my goodness…talk about God’s timing.  He said in the interview that he would tell people that they had not lost their first love, they had left their first love.  I was literally in the same spot on Market Street, in Philadelphia, as when God spoke this post.  Ouch again.  Some things that he said really made me reevaluate where I am.  Chew on these things.

• Bill Bright was 32 when he started Campus Crusade for Christ
• Bill Bright and his wife signed a contract to be slaves for Jesus Christ
• He refused to take credit when people complimented him because slaves are undeserving of credit.
• When problems arose, he would tell God, “Looks like You’ve got a problem here.”

That’ll put things into perspective for you, eh?

I also read Perry Noble’s blog this morning and was given some fresh perspective.  Apparently he was criticized for being too honest from the pulpit, and was told that he had to give his congregation someone to look up to.  This is his response:

I do give them someone to look up to…His name is Jesus.  If they look up to me all their lives then they will spend eternity in hell–and I just don’t care about looking good in people’s eyes to carry that weight into eternity.

That my friends changed my perspective. 

I find that when I have those moments of identifying with the doing and not the being, it is because my focus has turned in, toward my navel rather than toward Jesus and all of His magnificence.

The fact of the matter is this.  The work will get finished.  Thinking about it and talking about it outside of work will do nothing to help me accomplish what I cannot do at that moment.  What is limited is my time on earth.  The only thing that I can do here that I cannot do when I get to heaven is show people the love of Christ.  In order to show people Christ, I must spend time in HIS PRESENCE so that I can be immersed in Him.  I want more of Him in my life and less of me.

Let’s be honest.  In 30 years time, will anyone remember that I printed 30 kits for a training class?  Or will someone remember that woman who showed them the love of Jesus for the first time? 

I want my footsteps, my life to ring into eternity. 

Am I fah-reaking out anymore?  Nah.  Leave that to other people, who love stress.  As for me and my house, we’re gonna serve the Lord.

Once again I find myself taking a few days to process something that is all over the news.  It’s probably better that I take time rather than address these things immediately.

One thing that strikes me is that I’ve not seen any reporting that speaks about the parents of the boy who committed the murders.  I’ve read how disturbed he was; I’ve read about the people who attempted to reach out to him.  I’ve read complaints about the VA Tech response to the shootings.  (Who could honestly be prepared for such a thing?  Let’s be honest.)

My heart and my prayers go out to all of the families who lost their loved ones.  My heart goes out to every student on a college campus.  My heart goes out to the parents who have kids on college campuses.

You know what this tragedy reminds me of most?  That we live in a fallen world that needs a Savior more than ever.  The only One who can bring peace back to our college campuses, to our country, to our world is the One who died for our sins and who rose three days later.

Lord, have mercy on them, for they know not what they do.

The thought that Jesus was betrayed by a kiss has been running through my head all day.  Of course, today is Holy Thursday, the day that Jesus celebrated communion with the disciples; they day He washed their feet. 

This week has been one of the most difficult weeks that I have experienced in a very long time.  I’d like to blame it on hormones, but I know that there is much going on in the spiritual realm.  I’ve had so many “chance” encounters on “whims.”

Last night I decided to get my nails done.  I went to a salon and my nail person was this brooding Asian man.  I shook my head and thought, “Just my luck.   There are all of these sweet women sitting around, and I get the brooding guy.”  I knew, though, that it was not by chance.  I talked to him, and found out that he is from Vietnam, and he has a bachelors degree in management from a university in Vietnam.  He wants to get into an international company that does business in Vietnam and in the US.  He’s a really nice guy.  I told him that I would do research for him and get back to him.  Obviously he’s brooding because he’s not doing what God has created him to do.  But, it lead me to wonder how it is that he came to work in a nail salon in the US.  Was he ”betrayed with a kiss?”  Were promises made to him that were never fulfilled?   

Last night I picked up the book A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah.  If you’ve been to Starbucks in the past few months, you’ve seen it.  I am putting it on my must read list for every person who wants to make a difference in the world.  I don’t know if I will ever have the opportunity to travel to Africa to pluck children out of war.  I don’t have the money to make a real financial difference in Africa.  But I do have the power of prayer. 

So there you have it.  My Holy Thursday ramblings for the day.

Sometimes I wonder if God laughs with me or at me when I take a step back and look at my thought processes.

Deneen, I want you to be a voice in the church.  God, do you realize that I’m only 31 years old?  Yes, Deneen.  I’m God.  Got that covered.  God, do you remember what I did?  Honestly, Deneen, I don’t.  When you confessed your sin and repented, it went into the sea of forgetfulness.  You are the one who remember it.  When will you forgive you?  Ouch.

God, do you realize that I’m still single?  Yes, Deneen.  God, you do realize that I’m already 31 years old, right?  Yes, Deneen.  I do.  I’m God.  Got that covered.

Why is it that when a task seems daunting, I feel like I’m 5 and not allowed to cross the street unassisted?  Why is it that when it is something that I am waiting for, I feel ancient?

God is challenging me in a few areas of my life right now. 

Vocationally, it looks like I’m on a rabbit trail that lead away from the place that I believe God wants me to go.  Talking it out today over lunch, I realized that there are some skills that have to be developed in me that I can only learn on this “rabbit trail.” 

Financially, God is challenging me to give more than is comfortable.  I made all sorts of promises to Him when I was looking for a job, and now He’s calling me on those things.  I have too many excuses about why I should not follow through on my promises.  What is aggravating is that He then says to me, “Don’t you trust Me?”  Ouch. 

Spiritually God is challenging me on a few things too.  He’s reminding me of things that He placed in my heart a long time ago.  Whenever I forget, He gently reminds me.  If you are passionate about Me as you have claimed, then you should be doing the things that I’ve asked you to do without question.  Ouch.

I read this blog this morning and got fired up.  If you want to be inspired to storm the gates of hell for people, for what God has placed on your heart, this will be the kick in the butt kickstart that you need.

Today as I was walking through the city, I felt like Tony and Maria in West Side Story.  There is something on its way.  I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it in the pit of my being.  I’m feeling rather lyrical today, but I’ve yet to put pen to paper.  There is a good tension in the air…the kind that is exhilarating.

So, today Chill Pastor wrote about me on his blog.  As I read it, I was wondering who the heck he was talking about.  I have to admit…I’d never read the scripture associated with what it is that he wrote.  He made me cry.  At work.  One day…one day I’ll get him back   Surely our paths will cross one day at a conference or such.  I’ve only been reading his blog for a couple of months, but it seems like I’ve been reading forever.  His childhood friends regularly read my blog.  That kinda blows me away.  Interesting how God links people together over the miles.

So, please brace yourself.  I have a *gasp* song.  For the second time this week.  Enjoy my favorite song from my favorite musical.